Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny

About Me

Life on Life's Terms from addiction to recovery

Blogs I follow:

1. Bug on the Windshield

   I can’t rest on my laurels and expect that things won’t eventually erode.  My spiritual condition is based upon the actions I take to maintain and grow it.  I have not been consistently engaged in the type of action that delivered me initially to a place of happiness and freedom.  Lately I have been prey to my emotions, overly sensitive to stress, having difficulty sleeping, and saddled with a feeling of discontentment.  In this state it is impossible to be of service or for those close to me to enjoy being around me.  It was a miserable place to be and I know that the idea of a chemical to cope with this discomfort is not far off.  Today I have choices and I choose to take care of myself.  It was necessary for me to step back and get back to the basics that work so well.  First things First.  I realize that many of my problems if not all can be traced to self centered fear and that I respond to these fears with more self.  When I am not in a fit spiritual condition I am unable to respond to the ups and downs of life in a manner that allows for peace, harmony, and balance. When I am not consistently taking the action to grow it takes much less to knock me off the beam and into the “bitter morass of self pity.”  Yesterday and today I just did the next right thing and connected with people.  I was given what I needed and realize that this cycle of pain, pursuit of conscious contact, feeling better, self will, irritability and discontentment, and ultimately running back to the solution is something that I do not have to continue to repeat as I have been doing over the last few years.  Each time this has happened it has been increasingly painful and I always vow that I will never let it happen again.  Wow.. how many times have I made that unsuccessful promise (Usually wasted or in withdrawal or in a jail cell) so today I will not engage in that form of self deception instead I can take the lesson of this discomfort for the gift and opportunity that it is.  I can use this pain as a frame of reference and maybe it can be something that I use to reflect upon when I don’t want to suit up and show up in the ways that allow the Solution to flow through me for the benefit of others.  I have the gift and frame of reference of what self run riot feels like and it is similar to the misery of active addiction.  I have been experiencing the misery of untreated addiction, while very painful to me and others, it is every bit as susceptible to the solution of reaching outside of myself. 

   Today I feel less like the bug on the windshield and better able to continue to put one foot in front of the other.  I know what is waiting for me if I do.  I also know what is waiting if I don’t………………..peace